Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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