youre lurking in front of me
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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