Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
