I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
These tits shall not be calmed
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
