I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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