I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize