I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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