I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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