i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
