why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
