I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just want nice things and good sex
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
