There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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