Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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