why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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