Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Let's get the cat blown out
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
