so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
