i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
