i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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