Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
