Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
