it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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