hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
