Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
