I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Watching her eat just hurts me
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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