Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize