you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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