I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
