i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
