you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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