i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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