I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
