I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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