so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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