me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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