we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
