I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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