My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
