Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
