Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize