Say something about gay babies.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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