I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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