garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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