Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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