Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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