Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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