It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
