Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
