i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We just shotgunned beers for America
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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