i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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