Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
