i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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