god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
