does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
