i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
