Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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