woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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