unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
