i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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