just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
