i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
