so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
