your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize