dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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