It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
