Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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