why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
