On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize