You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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