you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
