Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
