Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize