You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
