Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
