I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
