In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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