i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize