I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
