I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
