Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
