Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
