so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize