Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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