His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
