I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize