Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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