I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
