Where did you get a picture of my penis
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He felt like a one man threesome
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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