wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
