I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
