the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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