the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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