I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
