I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
