if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
