On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
