I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Did I show you my penis last night?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I have post one night stand depression
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