he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
