i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
