i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
