be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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