Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
