he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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