he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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