Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize